Seeing Tharn
by Skitten1
Summary: Shadow's family was attacked by elil when she was a kit. She sometimes goes tharn.
1. Before

The wind blew through the forest trees, making their shadows dance on the grass specked soil. As the sun slowly set, it stretched it's rays across the land and everything it touched turned into a magnificent shining gold. The scent of lilacs was strong in the area and by one of the bushes a light brown rabbit with slender ears watched over the area. She lifted her head to look around. Her eyes were large and seemed to be searching for something in the distance. Then suddenly she heard a noise behind her but after turning around she found it was just the wind. A sigh a relief escaped her throat and she settled back down onto the soft earth for a rest. She was still waiting though, completely alert...   
  
It seemed like forever till the doe spotted what looked like another rabbit hopping towards her. She stood up on her hind legs to get a good look at it. The rabbit was still a bit away, but from the small slop she had been resting on, she could see him good. He was a thin young buck with sleek chestnut thlay. The doe smiled as he came closer and ran up to him, greeting him with an immense nuzzle. "I told you I would be back, Moonseed," he said to her with loving nuzzles. The doe, Moonseed, pulled her head away from him and with an anxious smile and asked, "Did you find a warren for us to stay at? I want the kits growing up in a warren.." The buck shook his head as a few tears escaped his eyes. "I'm sorry," he replied to her softly. "I found a warren but with the warren as small and overcrowded as it was.. They wouldn't take any more bucks in. They were short on does but I.. couldn't leave you."   
  
Moonseed understood. They would both just have to live away from other rabbits for a while. She was in no shape to do much traveling, especially since it would only be a few days till the kits were born. The kits weren't just going to stay in there till the right time came. Moonseed hopped under a lilac bush, revealing a small run with a burrow that she had made while her mate, Yerba Santa was looking for a warren. They both went down the hole and soon both Moonseed and Yerba Santa were fast asleep.. 


	2. The Weasels Come

In three days Moonseed gave birth to 3 kits, 2 does and a buck. Soon they were grown old enough to play out silf under Frith's light. Moonseed sat out silf watching over her kits as the leaped over each other and nibbled peacefully on narn green grass. The day was quiet and still other than the occasional rustle of leaves from the playing kits. The young marli had named her kits. The buck's name was Maple and the two does were Shadow and Sunflower.   
  
Everything was going so nicely... It wouldn't be too long till the kits would be ready to travel as hlessil to find a warren to join. They seemed so happy. Moonseed hopped into the sun and stretched out on some grass. She was about to close her eyes when a smell came to her nose.. The young doe quickly rose to her feet in time to see three large, but obviously hungry, weasels running towards her kits. With a squeal, she ran towards her kits. "Run," she called to her kits that had begun to scatter. Yerba Santa heard the screams and hid. Sunflower ran for the burrow. Her little legs moved fast, but not fast enough. She screamed when a weasel clamped his teeth into her leg and jerked her to the side. Shadow stopped at the run unable to move as she watched the horrible sight of a weasel killing her sister as she screamed for help. The baby doe's legs felt heavy and she couldn't move.. She couldn't help her sister.. All she could do was watch. It wasn't too long till Sunflower lay on the ground limp and with blood all over her.   
  
Shadow backed up into the run some and quickly turned her head when she heard another cry and saw her brother and marli on the ground. Her brother appeared dead, but her marli was still fighting for her life. Shadow was so afraid, so shocked, she just backed up slowly, not even knowing if she was really backing up or staying in the same place. Everything seemed to be going so fast. Before the little doe knew it, she was in her burrow and could no longer see her marli. She could no longer see her brother and sister.. She could no long see the weasels eating them or any that might be coming after her. She could only see the dirt of the small burrow run.. 


	3. Just Run

It was strange how time went by. While Shadow sat in that run, time seemed to have   
  
stalled because she knew something would come after her, but for some reason it didn't.   
  
This made her feel like the passing of time had slowed or even stopped for her, to let her   
  
live a few more of those precious minutes that life was made out of. After waiting what   
  
could have been hours or only a few minutes, the kit moved her paws slowly until she   
  
saw the mouth of the burrow. It was quiet, and dark. Clouds suffocated the dark blue sky.   
  
Some wind blew through Shadow's light, feathery brown thlay, bringing the smell of   
  
blood to her nose once again. She choked a little on the smell and held her breath till she   
  
realized she had to breathe… She had to find out if any of her family was alive.   
  
When the young kit first stepped out of the run it was apparent that her marli and siblings   
  
were dead. It was also evident that the elil who attacked her family were not gone.   
  
Shadow began to hop away from her home at a steady pace, having no clue where she   
  
was going. The first thought that ran through her head was to get away from her dead   
  
family and the weasels... If the weasels didn't kill her, other elil would surely be attracted   
  
to the location.  
  
Shadow began to hop faster in view of the fact that something was following her. The   
  
stench came to her nose. Oh she knew what that was! Her legs moved even faster and her   
  
heart pounded so hard she felt like it would pop right out of her chest. Looking behind   
  
her to verify her fears would only slow her down. Every inch counts when you are   
  
running for your life and have no where to hid and no place to turn to. They could find   
  
her where ever she hid and if they trapped her there was no getting out.   
  
It began to rain and the ground was soon covered in a slick layer of mud. Shadow did her   
  
best to keep her footing but failed… It was too late to stop. The kit felt herself slide in the   
  
mud which made her spin slightly. Claws dug into her back legs. She screamed from the   
  
pain. No… No! This couldn't happen to her! Not like the rest of her family! It wasn't her   
  
time to die.  
  
Shadow kicked and kicked and struggled with the mud as much as the weasel she was   
  
running from. Pain shot up her legs with every move of a muscle. The rain came harder   
  
and soon Shadow found herself alone in a thorn bush. The weasel seemed to be gone.   
  
"Only Frith could have saved me," she thought. "And he did." 


	4. Now Alone

Shadow was thoroughly exhausted from running and being afraid. She closed her eyes   
  
and tried to rest but she could not. Her body was caked in mud and blood also stained her   
  
thlay. The thorn bush protected her partially from the rain but that was not enough.   
  
Shadow was completely drenched. Comfort wasn't coming, but Shadow tried her hardest   
  
to get to sleep. Maybe she would wake up and this would all be over… Finally, (after a   
  
long time of discomfort) she fell into a deep dreamless sleep. As she slept, the rain   
  
continued coming down. Shadow woke up once and looked over at her leg. At first she   
  
thought it was gone. Mud had completely covered it. The kit moved her leg slightly. It   
  
still hurt. Tears started to fill her brown eyes. She blinked, and rivers of tears formed that   
  
flowed through the mud on her face. "M- Marli," she cried. "I'm so cold.. I thought you   
  
would be here longer! Why are you gone? Why did this have to happen? Why!" she   
  
yelled, not thinking that elil could hear her. When she realized what she had just done she   
  
was quiet and listened for anything that could have heard her but the only sound was the   
  
rain. It suddenly sounded so beautiful, as if it was singing to her a special song. The rains   
  
lyrics never repeated. She wiped some mud away from her eyes and closed them. "Like   
  
the sounds birds make," she thought. With her head rested on the ground, she fell asleep   
  
listening to the music.   
  
Shadow didn't wake up till Frith's light crept through the tangles and thorns, telling her   
  
that she was alive and the mysteries of night were no longer around to scare her. Her eyes   
  
fluttered open as she lifted her head. At first she thought she had just fallen asleep out silf   
  
while playing with Sunflower but the pain in her leg reminded her where she really was   
  
and all that happened last night. Shadow crawled out of the muddy spot she had been in   
  
and onto some grass. The thorn bush was still around her. She lifted her leg and began the   
  
painful and long process of cleaning the blood and mud off of her. Frith was high in the   
  
sky by the time she had completed. "Good enough," she said with annoyance in her voice.   
  
Now it was time to think of what to do now that her marli was dead. Just thinking about it   
  
made her want to cry, so she did… She cried on and off the rest of the day while hopping   
  
around confused and distraught. With every step came the pain and with the pain came   
  
those vivid memories that constantly reminded her that her marli was dead and never   
  
coming back. She was alone. Very alone… 


	5. Keep Moving

Shadow lay on the soft, moss-speckled ground under a large walnut tree. She looked up towards the bright sky. Branches from the tree stretched towards it. Was it because they loved Frith and he gave them warmth, she wondered, or was it because they knew the world they lived in was no good and wanted to get away from it?  
  
She stared up at Frith. If she stared at him long enough he seemed to blind her and make her feel like her surrounding were no longer the same, like she was somewhere else more peaceful. Shadow sat up and looked around her. It was soon easy to see that she could no longer just wish she were in a better place. She had to find a warren soon. On weak, aching legs, Shadow began to hop into a clearing. The directions she could go seemed endless the more she thought about it, but they all seemed equally hard and long from the clearing she was standing in. The doe kit took a deep breath and began to hop in her chosen direction.  
  
After traveling until Frith's light no longer shined so high in the sky, she stopped to sleep in a hollow log. The doe kit nibbled on the moss a bit and was soon fast asleep. 


	6. A Home?

A sound thundered through Shadow's ears, awaking her from her sleep. The startled doe looked up to see a large buck, twice the size of her, only feet away. Her heart raced, remembering the elil once again who had killed her family.  
  
The buck turned his narrow, brown thlayed head in Shadow's direction which startled the doe even more. "Are you sick," he called out to her. "Did your marli abandon you?"  
  
The doe shook her head. "N..No sir," she whimpered. "I lost my family to elil." As she said this, her heart dropped even more. "They are de."  
  
The buck frowned and hopped up to her. "Come with us. You may stay at our warren," he said after smelling her over from head to toe. "You need to be cleaned up first though. Come.." The buck hoped off, taking large leaps that were hard for the kit to follow. "  
  
The warren was filled with rabbits. Most looked up from their eating or chatting to take a glance at the scarred up doe. A few frowned while others looked at her sympathetically. The kit wanted to hide as she suddenly felt everyone's eyes on her, tracing her every scar.  
  
When they entered the warren she was taken to an old buck who seemed a little 'out of it'. He was sniffing at one of his paws and shaking it in the air, seeming to be baffled by it. The buck who had brought Shadow in cleared his throat. Shadow stared around the room and then bumped into the buck. "Sorry," she squeaked, embarrassed. The old rabbit turned around and blinked his eyes. "Captain Mushroom," he said in a cheerful way and then noticed Shadow next to him. A frown passed over his old, scruffy face. "Now who is this? She isn't sick, is she?" "Nah, ran into elil. She needs a place to stay," the Captain informed him. "Ah, alright. I see no reason why she can't stay," the rah said, backing up some. "Although, she should clean up. Don't want the little thing making us all sick now."  
  
The captain nodded, and with a quick nudge, Shadow was forced out of the burrow before she could even think. "Go dig yourself a burrow," the buck told her.  
  
Shadow hopped uneasily down the runs. They were long and many crowded. Everyone stopped to stare at her. 


	7. I don't like it here

When she reached the end of one run she bumped into another little doe kit about her age. The kit had soft brown thlay with soft eyes to match it. Shadow smiled slightly. "Hi," she said to the other kit. "My name is Shadow."  
  
The soft brown kit's eyes narrowed a little. "What happened to you?" she asked in a voice that contrasted greatly with her appearance.  
  
Shadow was stunned by the other kit's reaction. "I." The picture of the weasel killing her marli came back to her. "No." she said, shaking her head and closing her deep brown eyes. "It was elil," gasped the kit, tears coming from her eyes. When she opened them she found the other kit was gone. "W."  
  
Shadow's mouth gapped open as she sat there. A paw found it's way to the burrow wall and she began to dig. Dirty clumped on her wounds, making her fur look even worse and making her body sting. After a while, her burrow was done. It wasn't comfy, but better than sleeping out silf.  
  
A mound of dirt, fur, and blood was huddled in a corner. Rabbits walked by and looked in. Shadow heard the occasional laughs and some does' sad comments but no one spoke to her. She appeared asleep but she couldn't sleep. "Marli." the kit squeaked sadly. "I want you so bad. I don't like it here." 


	8. Is this the place?

Shadow blinked her eyes and then lifted a paw to get a speck of hard dirt off of them. Talking could be heard down the run. The kit listened quietly, not moving much at all. "Hey, how many cowslips have you found today?" she heard one young buck ask another enthusiastically. "None," the other buck answered, some disappointment in his voice. "Well, I found three..." the first buck said.  
  
Cowslip. That sounded good right now to Shadow. Her marli use to pick out the best flay for her back at home. A moan came from her stomach. Shadow made a few marks on the ground in front of her and then decided to go silf. When she took a step to leave, she almost tripped over herself. Another rabbit walked in front of her. This rabbit had a sleek gray coat and silvery eyes. The doe looked to be young, but not as young as to be a kit. "Hello," she said to the kit softly, trying to act as friendly as she could so she would not frighten the kit. "I've heard about you. Some does in the run said you needed a marli." Shadow swallowed and looked at the doe timidly. Her old marli was dead, she didn't want another. The thing that she wanted the most now was her marli, her real marli. "It is alright little one," the doe said again in that soft voice that reminded Shadow of warm milk. She licked her lips and then swallowed again. "I have kits of my own your age. You'll fit right in. Of course you'll need to be bathed..."   
  
Shadow tried to smile a little but her eyes watered over. The doe looked blurry to her now and she tried to get rid of the tears. "You are coming with me," the doe announced in a voice more firm. With a slight nod of the head, Shadow followed the doe to her burrow where three kits slept in a cozy pile in the center. "You can call me 'marli' if you'd like," she said to Shadow. Shadow just tilted her head and then shook it quickly but only slightly. "I h.. had a.. My marli is dead," Shadow answered, her voice breaking like ice at the end. The marli seemed to understand, which gave Shadow some relief. "You may call me 'Sandy' than," the doe told Shadow. "These are my kits: Daisy, Willow, and Wild Grass." Shadow nodded and tried to block out the memories of her marli and siblings. They hurt too badly. "Hi," she said to the kits. The kits blinked their eyes and went back to sleep. Sandy seemed to be happy with the way everything was going. Before Shadow had time to think, she was being cleaned by Sandy. Her body felt soar and every lick still hurt.   
  
After being cleaned, Shadow laid down next to Sandy and the other kits. Her eyes closed and she tried to get some rest. Safer was how she felt compared to last night. If it wasn't for the smell that surrounded her, she would have thought that she was cuddled up to her real marli, that she had dreamed the last few days or however long it was. Her mind couldn't think up something that horrible though. It was too dreadful to be imaginary or fictional. Shadow slept and had dreams. Images of the weasels haunted them. They were after her marli, then her siblings, then they went after her. Shadow felt fear rush through her and she fought the weasels. A scream woke her up and she was thrown across the burrow. Dirt flew up into her eyes. "Inlé! What are you doing?" Sandy yelled. Shadow's head turned and she realized the question was directed towards her. Her whole body was shaking. The other kits were awake. Shocked expressions and deep scratches covered them all. "I don't want you around my kits anymore. Get out of my burrow," the doe said, raising her voice near the end.   
  
Shadow, confused, scared, and upset, exited the burrow quickly. She rounded the corner, breathing heavily. Tears fell down her cheeks. The doe kit curled up in the run and fell asleep. 


	9. So far so bad

A warm paw shook the sleeping Shadow until her eyes blinked open. "You're blocking the run," the young buck informed her. "Are you alright?" Shadow blinked her eyes a few times and looked up at the buck. He had a concerned look on his young, tough face. "Are you ok," he repeated the question to her. "Yes, I'm alright I think," Shadow told the buck and then quickly moved closer to the run's wall. The young buck smiled at her and continued on his way.  
  
Shadow wandered until the bright glow of Frith could be seen. She hopped towards it and came silf. Many rabbits, including Sandy, were up silf. Shadow felt Sandy's eyes on her and knew a few other does near her also glanced her way. A kit, younger than herself, was sitting alone near a large maple leaf. Shadow hopped up to her, more hesitantly than she had the last kit. "Hi," came a quiet squeak from Shadow. The kit looked up and smiled. "Hi, my name is Silverthlay," the kit answered. "I've never seen you before." Shadow sat down. "I just got here. My name is Shadow." "Silverthlay," a doe called. The kit looked up and smiled at her marli. "Look, I have a new friend, Shadow," the kit called to her marli. This made Shadow feel so much better. She was excited that she finally had a friend at her new home and hoped to make many more. Playing with her siblings was fun, she really missed that. "Silverthlay, come here," the marli called. Silverthlay nodded and then turned to Shadow. "Hey, maybe we can play later," the silvery doe kit said with a cute little grin. The kit hopped off and Shadow nibbled on some grass. "Don't hang around that kit anymore," Shadow heard the marli rabbit say quietly. Shadow's ears perked up in an attempt to hear Silverthlay and her marli. "But marli.. why... She attacked some kits," were some of the words and phrases the doe kit caught. Her ears drooped and she continued on her flay... 


	10. Away

Shadow silflayed for most of the day until her thoughs took her away from the world around her. Now her thoughts circled what had happened. Shaking her head to get the images of her dead marli out of her mind failed to work. It only make her think about it more. Was she still laying there dead, half eaten by the weasels now.. rotting and attracting more elil to finish them off?  
  
It was painful, but she couldn't help but to think about it. Her brown eyes closed and when they opened, Shadow watched Frith set. The red reminded her of the blood. The doe kit shook her head, ashamed and scared to have thought that. Behind her she heard a noise and jumped around almost expecting to see a weasel. It was the captain that had brought her to the warren. "I'm sorry, but I think you should leave. It is up to you, but some of the warren rabbits were afraid that you aren't safe. It would be the best thing for the warren and I'm sure it would be best for yourself," the captain said to the kit. He was trying to be nice about it but no matter how it was said, it couldn't sound nice. "Oh," came a squeek from Shadow. It seemed like a force was pulling her head. She had to look behind her. The doe kit turned her head and stared into the darkness. There wasn't anything there. Anything there that she could see anyway! Oh Frith! "You could leave in the morning if you are afraid to travel at night with the elil out," the captain said, feeling a little bad for the kit. "No... I'll leave now," Shadow replied, blinking her eyes. The warren was full of elil and they could kill her just as easily. Maybe she was elil herself. It was her fears that consumed her. "Alright, I'll inform the rah," the captain said, leaving the doe alone silf without turning to look back at her.  
  
Shadow was afraid. Should she walk towards the light of the sunset, leaving the dark of the growing night at her back to creep up on her? Or should she walk towards the night, having Frith at her back to protect her but walking into something that was full of what she didn't but (in a way) did want to see? Shadow decided to run towards the sunset. She could see Frith. Maybe if she never saw the elil, she would be alright. 


	11. Companions?

Darker grew the night until Frith's light had melted entirely in the distance. Shadow had done well keeping images of her family's death out of her mind but as she hopped along, the thought of what was hiding in the dark made her lose control.  
  
"I should think of the night as a blanket to protect me," the young doe thought. "But in this darkness anything could be waiting for me and so far, it has only been something to run from." Her legs moved faster again and sped up. The sky was growing cloudy, making the night darker and hiding even more. A rustling noise startled her and she froze, moving no more than a rock embedded in the earth. "I told you, no elil around. Haven't run into a bit a embleer scent might I add," came the voice of a young buck. "But if we did run into elil, we'd be dead and we have been lucky so far, Pecan," answered another buck. Shadow knew that they were other rabbits, but were they safe?  
  
"Hey, I smell something. It smells like another rabbit... Who is that?" came another voice, this one from the second rabbit. "We are a large group of rabbits, but we don't mean any harm," yelled the other. "Shut-up" "What?"  
  
Shadow hopped slowly towards the bucks until she could see their figures. Only two rabbits were there and she suspected they were hlessil. "I'm Shadow...a hlessi," Shadow spoke slowly. The bucks came closer to her and sniffed her; Shadow could tell that the bucks were close in age to each other, maybe around four months old. "This is Pecan, and I'm Elm," the slightly larger rabbit introduced himself and his companion. In the darkness it was hard to make out their faces.  
  
"Would you like to come with us," Pecan asked. "We are going to a warren. 'Bout a days walk 'till then, when we arrive that is."  
  
Shadow didn't like how close they stood to her but they seemed nice enough. "I'd love to," she responded, taking a small step back. Again, the bucks moved closer to her and sniffed at her. Shadow thought about sniffing them too but instead she froze until Elm spoke, "Come on then with us. Stay close. Never know when elil will jump out."  
  
In the darkness, the three rabbits moved. Shadow felt some comfort being with other rabbits, ones with out a home like herself, but they couldn't save her if elil came. The more rabbits, the more elil. "Lets stop," Elm spoke after a while of travel. We'll rest in that tree trunk. See? There is a hole in it. Shadow, you in first. We'll just be talking over directions but we'll be to sleep shortly."  
  
While staring into the hole, and smelling its damp, near rotten bark, Shadow placed her front paws in the hole and lifted herself up inside. Shadow sat down and was about to wash her paws when something told her to stop and listen to the two bucks... Their talking was quiet but she could still hear:  
  
"I say I found her first. This was my idea and by the time breeding season starts she'll be about ready anyway."  
  
"Oh yeah? I came along too you know. I helped find her just as much as you did. You couldn't even fight off the other bucks. You know you'll never grow to full size. Hraka warren for having so few does."  
  
"Well why go back to the warren then? Keep her out here and you can find a doe in the mean time."  
  
"A doe won't have kits out here, stupid."  
  
Shadow swallowed. "Want me they will not once they get a good look at me in the morning," she thought. "I'll wait until they fall asleep and then I will leave." Full of fear and disappointment, Shadow rested her head and closed her tired eyes. Badly her body needed rest and it felt like her heart was sour from beating so much and so fast.  
  
By the time the bucks fell asleep, Shadow was in a very deep sleep. Frith's light was glowing warmly, making Shadow's eyes flutter open. "Oh no," said in her mind, realizing that it was morning: she had slept all night. Elm's ears twitched and he opened his eyes. Shadow knew what he was thinking as his eyes scanned her body. It felt like he was cutting her up like the weasels had, cutting her up again. "Wake up," Elm shook his friend, who immediately understood the reason he was awaken.  
  
"How did you get like that," Elm asked Shadow in an irritated voice, making her feel incredibly uneasy. Shadow took a step back, her ears were held firmly to the back of her head. "Elil," she answered, voice quivering. "They.. killed my family." Elm kept his eyes on the doe but spoke to his friend. "We wouldn't want to bring that back with us," he said, knowing that his friend would agree. "But a young doe is still a doe so... Lets both mate with her and leave her," answered Pecan.  
  
Shadow backed up again but this time her heals were against wall of the hollow and she had no where to go. A flood of horror overwhelmed her body. Waves of desperation crashed inside of her heart and she could hear them louder than her own thoughts. Elm was blocking the way out but she was small... If she ran towards them swiftly enough then maybe she could squeeze past. The fact that she had a plan gave her no comfort. 'Now Shadow! Just run,' she kept saying to herself over and over. 'Oh Frith! Help me again!' The young doe pushed her back legs out and sprung across the hollow. Elm jumped at the doe's sudden move and Shadow was able to free herself. There was still danger! She had only escaped the hollow but the bucks could run, she was sure of it. Faster and faster her legs moved and kept moving. On and on she ran for what seemed like forever. Finally, Shadow collapsed on the ground. The bucks were gone and her legs felt like jelly... Her heart was broken though, she was alone again, like she had wanted.. 


End file.
